Dating someone with the same first name as your ex
My question is this: is it wrong to date someone who is extremely similar, on paper, to the last person you dated? I think this new girl is the recipient of feelings Names of korea dating app developed for the last one. And when we look back on our lives, we can see patterns in our choices in partners. Often, we get it wrong. Sometimes, with practice, we can even get it right. Case closed. Thus, finding a woman with similar characteristics on paper is not only fine, but probably a decent idea. For years and years, I chased the holy grail of East Coast Jewish intellectuals. I found that as much as I craved their company, they were usually too similar to me.
They may have been interesting and successful, but they were also often hard-driving, opinionated, and selfish. Last year, I dated a woman who was the opposite. She was considerably younger. She was interested in doing everything I wanted to do, just so we could be around each other. With her big smile, generous heart, and accepting ways, she made me want to be a better boyfriend. Cut to six months after my breakup. Have I fallen into a trap? Generally speaking, I like women who are readers. Generally speaking, I prefer women with liberal politics. Generally speaking, I like curvy brunettes. My girlfriend is a curvy brunette — but most of my girlfriends have not been. Worry about whether it feels good and whether this woman brings out the best in you. It would be far more striking if one was a corporate attorney and the other was a punk rocker.
Evan, Great advice as always. I love that your girlfriend is 38. I am 32 and am always delighted to hear men dating women in their 30s. Agreed on the great response. But because of all the other things I liked about her I fell hard. The question becomes, how do you narrow your parameters if at all? If the women are so similar, might the course of the relationship be similar as well? And might not the outcome be the same? Thanks for the birthday wishes, Mrs. As for the blog topic, I have found that, although my long-term relationships have all been different, there are always some common threads and similar personality traits in the men I have chosen to date. I think that is a good thing if they are good traits. It may have had very little to do with all the good qualities your ex had and more to do with a few areas of incompatibility. That goes for me, too.
I have to believe that if I had met Evan right out of college, I would not have been ready to 1 date a younger man, or 2 date outside my religion. Timing is everything in that case. It goes a long way to explain how we end up in the same types of relationship scenarios over and over again. Know that my own family has served quite a bit and I work as a contractor. All that said, Bush really is the dating someone with the same name as a family member ever. What a mess. We are creatures of habit and familiarity. But overall, we like what we like. All of my boyfriends and crushes have been tall, dark, hairy, and handsome Jewish guys. No really. And some of them have had similar characteristics and thank gd the one I am with now, the best one I could have ever asked for, has different qualities and traits than the ones that I thought I should have been with.
Does that make any sense? We all think we have this ideal, and in my oppinion that usually means we tend to like what he we know and feel familiar with. Major problem. When it comes to dating the single most imortant factor that trumps anything you can possibly think of is do you know yourself and are you honest with yourself? So many relationships fail because so many people have no ability to be introspective about their own issues and expect that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will make them and their lives better. It just does not work that way. The two girls were enough alike on paper — even living four blocks apart — that I was seeing dating the second girl as a continuation of dating the first. As many dating online name the two girls had in common, I suppose taste in men was not one of them.
So Mike, would you say the similarity in the women extended to a similar outcome? That it took the first girl 3 mos. I mean I know there are a billion other people out in the world, but no one dates all of them, and every guy you meet is not going to be a good fit. If they are, why the hell are you leaving, especially if you are just going to end up dating someone like them. The half my age thing was fun but I should be aiming for someone closer to my own age. I have a general rule and that is given my age I will accept anyone born between 1979 and 1989 but any lower than that is tread with caution. And I like to revel in the memories of said ex. What can we call this phenomena? And is is a psychopathy or preference? What mental harm can it cause? Here are 3 examples of my crazy patterns:. I assume search dating sites by name found out somehow, bc he wont ever speak to me, even by internet.
Ive known him a good 20 years! Similar voices! Both younger than me by a few years. Possibly similar music tastes. It scares me how similar they are… and I got feeling they too are distant cousins! And I cant turn them off! The fantasy becomes a big turn on. Is that a kink or abnormal psychology? What does it say about my psyche? Unlike with romantic partners, I DO actively seek out lovers that resemble certain celeb crushes. Sometimes I jokingly call them by the crushes name, and actively imagine that said crush is in bed with me. Is that effed up? Sometimes, unwittingly, the person is nearly 10 years younger!
Your email address will not be published. Her mother has a weekends-only job and never has her overnights or even in…. If you saw a woman who was about to drive off a cliff, would dating site screen name search tell her? I sat next to an attractive man last night at a political function that included a formal, sit-down, 14-course dinner. This man and I chatted during the time he was…. You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one "normal" response to love and commitment. He is everything I never knew I always wanted. He is kind and caring, with wonderful values. He makes me feel like the most special woman in the world. I am a firm believer in dating at least 4 seasons and we are already in our 3rd season of love. We have discussed marriage and will revisit the idea this October. Share 4. Join our conversation 13 Comments. How is Evan at spanking? Good luck to Mike and the new girl that has all the nice qualities of his ex!
Here are 3 examples of my crazy patterns: 1. Recommended for You. Her mother has a weekends-only job and never has her overnights or even in… Read More… If you saw a woman who was about to drive off a cliff, would you tell her? This man and I chatted during the time he was… Read More…. Happy Clients.
In my junior year of college, I was hooking up with someone who had the same name as my ex. I lost a lot of sleep thinking about what to call them and how to save their number in my phone millennials. When you start to associate a name with a person — especially a person that isn't your person anymore — readjusting your mindset can be difficult. I'll be the first to tell you that if your new partner has the same name as your exit's natural to feel a little uneasy about it. Heck, according to experts, it's natural to feel full-on shook. According to Martinez, a new boo having the same name as an old names of korea dating app can be uncomfortable for a lot of reasons. It's also possible to be uncomfortable if you had a great relationship with your ex and your new partner doesn't quite measure up. Regardless of whether it was a negative or positive experience, there would be things that you associate with that person.
If your last relationship ended with you crying in the shower and wearing sweatpants for three months mehearing your ex's name may be a little too close for comfort. Moreover, if your ex was the best partner ever and it was super hard to let them go, their name may make you think of all the good times you shared. While all of these emotions are natural, Martinez says that when you start to date someone new with the same name, it's important to adjust what the name means to you when you hear it. Or perhaps you start doing your laundry at your cousin's apartment because you and your ex first said "I love you" at that laundromat under the Thai place. Yet, if you're really starting to fall for someone that happens to have the same name as your ex, rather than trying to never say or hear the name again, it's important to attempt to change your thinking. That song you both use to jam to is now online dating profile girl names song that was playing when your dad danced at your cousin's wedding.
You have to create online dating last name memories. Do you wear the silver ring that your ex got you six years ago just because it's cute and you like it me? Do you take your sister to the ice cream place you and your boo used to go to every summer? Though holding space for nostalgia can be important, Martinez shares that as you make new memories with your new booeventually their name won't make you think dating website name generator your history. It will just make you feel about your current partner and how amazing they are. In the meantime, if you have no idea how to address your boo, Martinez suggests using pet names or nicknames specific to both of you. It may even help them feel more welcomed. It's important to address people how they like to be addressed.
However, if saying your partner's name makes your super uncomfortable, try talking to them about how you're feeling. Then, discuss a potential nickname that you can both feel good about. Whether you go for a classic like "Babe" or something totally sappy, like Ashley Benson calling Cara Delevingne "Sprinkles," you and your boo get to decide what name feels right for you. Additionally, using a sentimental nickname for your partner, or calling them what their childhood friends used to call them may make them feel really cared for. If your current partner has the same name as your ex and it's unsettling, fear not.
With enough time and space, you may start to let go of everyone you dated before your current boo, let alone anyone with the same name. Of course, if you're feeling super uneasy about it, try finding a sweet name that feels good for both of you. Whether they're your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, love bug, snookums, or a novelty ice cream topping, you and your boo make the call on what to call each other. By Griffin Wynne.
It was defined by a constant simmering tension with the other Rachels, silently jockeying to see who could functionally be referred to simply as Rachel in conversation and still be clearly identified and who would have to settle for being a Rachel B. Obviously this does not compare to the experience of having a very unique or stigmatized name, which is objectively worse, but bear with me. I was shocked in recent years to find out anecdotally that others do not share this aversion! In an informal survey of Autostraddle staff members with names common enough that this was a shared concern, I was heartened to find I was not alone.
Many aspects of navigating the public sphere as a same-sex couple are awkward enough; why add another element that straight people will inevitably make awkward! Although I reached out to several advocates of or previous participants in a same-name relationship, as of press time my sources had not been able to respond. In lieu of their feedback, I am left to imagine reasons why one would be okay with this:. People who have or are fine with dating someone with the same name as them, you have the floor. I await your input breathlessly. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy. Firstly: Alecias and Alicias and Alishas and all the other variations thereof are relatively rare, and I like being a special snowflake. Thirdly: Alicia and Alisha are my Starbucks Names, and I could not bear the constant reminder of that indignity. Although I have no issue with hypothetically dating someone with the same name, it is never something I have had cause to worry about despite the not-unusualness of my name.
I mean, have you ever seen another Sally comment around here? Never more than once, I would wager. Ive totally done this. The matching thing was kind of annoying so we were extra conscientious about never dressing the same but it really wasnt a huge impediment. My name is Sarah so this has happened to me a few times… somehow dating a Sara sans H was really helpful in justifying it to myself! And while it was never a relationship that lasted long, in the brief time I was telling people about dating Sara I was very comforted by the fact that almost everyone had a cute anecdote about a long-term couple they knew with the same name! Including some straights ie Ashley and Ashley. I just thought he really liked making the point that he was gay. At school I was always the Jenny who ended up being identified by my full name. Uh yeah, I hate my name, which is probably something I should deal with at some point, and while I would like to be enlightened and laid-back enough to not rule out dating based on a name… I have totally ruled names of online dating apps dating dating website name generator with my name.
Life is short, ya know? It is my ultimate queer dream to meet another Brittany and fall in love and adopt two Brittany spaniels and move to Brittany. Is that too much? Honestly, straight people have asked of me and my partner were sisters because we both had turquoise hair. BUT, while I was working in Japan I decided to check out a pretty famous lesbian bar in nichome Goldfinger, which, also, wow, that name. Def never had a problem with it, even though I occasionally still answer out of habit when someone calls her name. I was fine before a certain movie and a certain singer got popular. Now the only thing protecting me is a generation gap. The first time I had a solid suspicion that I might be not-straight was when I had a several-years-long crush on a friend who was also named Robin, starting with the time when she cut her hair and dressed as a boy for a play we were both in for better or for worse, she turned out to be empathically straight.
It would definitely give me pause however. How could I possibly commit to never boning another Lauren?! So this is more of a same name adjacent contribution, but my mother and her two sisters are all named Mary. Out of six kids See: Irish Catholic Family c. The girls were only given differing middle names which they have gone by pretty exclusively since elementary school. Oh no…oh no. I do not think I could manage that. I think it would be fun to at least have a friend with my name and dating them would be extra fun and weird. I feel so old. There is some factoid that in the original L word script Bette and Tina were both supposed to be named Bettina. Perhaps it is a sign of my robust self-esteem, but I had a policy of always swiping right on anyone with my name. I just really love my name and have met no objectionable Erins yet. Before I changed my name, I had a very common early 90s girl name and online dated someone with the same name for like 6 months in college.
Also, my very first crush had the same first AND middle name as me. I do know some straight couples all baby boomers with the following name combinations: 1. Terry and Terri 2. Another Terry and Terri 3. Don and Dawn. I have so many worries about dating, this is very low on my list. However: I used to do ballroom dancing at a student club and there was a girl with the same last name and het first name started with a J too. And I read them too, she was not doing to well… Once we did a tournament where we danced together and we were registered under the same J. It looked so silly! I just realised I know a couple named Brian and Bryan and they also do ballroom dancing competitions together! That gets very confusing at times, especially since they are spelled exactly the same way. Idk what this says about me, but I find it quite amusing. I never in my life would have thought that this was a thing! They both go by Kate. Which is just such a logistical nightmare! So serial dating of people with the same name is for sure a thing. I dated another Ashley for a bit over a year and while we were dating it was fine.
We had been friends first, and so I definitely knew what I was getting in to. It was less fun when our relationship ended badly. Nope nope nope nope, goddamned nope! There were two other Amandas in my kindergarten class, one had the same last initial I did. The other had the same middle name. I know another Addie whose full name is Adriane. Everyone has my name! Dating someone with the same name dating site screen name search me realize I no longer wanted to be called by that name. It took a while, but the penny finally dropped. My parents have always named our pets People Names Ted, Dylan and not Animal Names Peapod, Twinklewhich never bothered me until I started dating a girl with the same name as our dog. On dating apps, I swipe left on anyone with my name or a variation of it including my legal name. One of my best friends has the H-less version of my name, and we are also colleagues. I feel more reluctant to date someone with the same name as her wife, which would only add to the confusion we cause people.
I think she had sex the first time with someone who had the same first name but when by her initials or middle name instead. However my wife and I use the same title and have the same first initial, middle initial and last name, a loophole which we sometimes exploit to sign documents for each other. I know my username is Jay, but I go by Jordan to a lot of people. All that to say I am now in a different relationship, married even. And am happy to report that her name is Emily. Oh boy. Where I do know other Jesses, I always nickname them e. I have a very strict no same-names policy which makes dating women in my age cohort very difficult because my name is wildly common for women born 1990-2000! My friends have started calling me Kris Jenner. I was with someone with my name for 6 years; we spelled it differently but our names had the same pronounciation.
Ha I love this thread! That broad city episode when llana did. The same name thing was never really an issue for us. Our families call us by our first and middle names to avoid confusion. I could never date a person with my name happily there are not a lot of 30 something year olds running around with the name Patricia or the names of either of my two sisters. An ex named Brittany had a brother who briefly dated another Brittany and I thought this was too weird. My dating history has been a rotation of Brittany, Jennifer, Brittany, and now Jennifer forever more. Not dating Jen would have been a terrible mistake and I imagine folks happily dating folks of the same name probably feel the same way. So, I have been talking to this girl with the same first name as me Taylor for about a month now. The online dating profile girl names Taylor and I just met irl and went on our first date a few nights ago because our busy schedules have been conflicting.
We thought it was funny and cute having the same first name… she asked me what my middle name is on our date. Honestly, I kind of love the idea what is the name of facebook dating site us having the exact same name if we end up getting married. I feel like now I actually have a legit reason to start going by them.